sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
