end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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