Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
