Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
