i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i drank out of a bidet.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
