they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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