i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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