You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
