what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
