Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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