You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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