What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
