Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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