I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
