I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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