so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
