Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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