Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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