You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
