You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
