Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
In America we eat man semen.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
