Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
