You just made me feel so damn special
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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