Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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