so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
