They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
