Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
