hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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