So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
