so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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