just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize