Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
