they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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