So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
