I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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