just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
