My liver just broke up with me...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
