omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
