Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
