Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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