She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
how does that bad decision feel?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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