Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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