I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
