I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
