I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
