At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
