Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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