her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
