I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
