There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
