PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
