Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize