there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize