in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
