ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Its about making memories worth repressing
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
