She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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