Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
