okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
