I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
