i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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